How To Make More Space For Play
If there is one thing I wish for myself and those around me, it would definitely be more space and more time, specifically so they can fill it up with play and joyful experiences.
It’s worth noting that entertainment is not the same as play. Play will be a unique type of action for each of us, but it is action. Playing games on our phones is for sure playing around, but it isn’t the type of play that engages your soul. It usually scratches a mental itch and doesn’t engage your senses or self on a soulful level. Sometimes we really do need those “check out” activities, and that’s cool, but that’s not what we’re making more space for here.
Recently, I’ve been making more space for play in my life. Here are two approaches I’ve been using to get this going:
Make Enjoyment Of Life The Priority
This is, of course, easier said than done, and could likely take a while for you to authentically embrace this idea. You may even insist that certain things you are currently doing are out of enjoyment, but upon closer inspection, you may find you are holding onto the outcome you think it could produce. Let me give you an example from my life:
I don’t really want a chiseled body. What I want is to feel safe and accepted in the body I have. For me to feel safe means to be healthy and capable. To be accepted means to not be judged harshly by others based on my looks and feel welcomed no matter what I look like (these are motivators that came from my childhood, for sure). Lifting heavy weights frequently and counting calories doesn’t make me feel safe or accepted. It took me years to understand that controlling my food and monitoring my calories is not only a massive energy and time drain but, get this - NOT FUN. Tracking calories also did not produce meaningful long-term results.
Why did I ever do it anyway? Well, these were just tools I was advertised to that would get me to the body I wanted. They haven’t, and they probably never will. Like any tool, it is the way in which you use it that determines its outcome.
I’m just now approaching weightlifting from the perspective of “I’m doing this because it is good for my body” - not because I’m trying to change my body. This contributes to a sense of safety for me because it doesn’t assume that there is something wrong with the way my body currently is. A perspective shift is thee magic act that takes something from a “should” to a compassionate act of self-care. The body I really want is the one I feel safe in and I accept: surely there are ways for me to find that through means that I actually enjoy? Maybe I could even dare to offer myself the acceptance I need. Maybe enjoyment is the path to acceptance.
Back Out Of Places Where Your Energy is Being Drained Without Value
This is a fun one. I’ll piggyback on the last example of calorie counting. This did not add value, yet was definitely drawing considerable power from my energy reserves. By energy, I mean, my attention, willpower, and effort. Anything that requires these things will drain your batteries for the day; some more than others. Some things will drain your energy but simultaneously fill your soul’s tank. For example, taking care of my dog requires my energy, but his company, play, and general cuteness to be around puts fuel back into my soul’s tank.
The battery known as YOU. You live in your body - powered by your heart and mind. Just existing drains the battery. One bar must be maintained through your basic needs of food, water and shelter.
“To each their own” when it comes to what builds us up and what drains us. An amazing gift we can continue to give to ourselves is finding out what we like: the things that fuel the soulful component that power us back up. What could maybe be an even greater gift is identifying the things that drain us. So many beliefs we adopt drive our actions, leading to the dread that drains. Even dreading an action is still an action towards dread. Make sense? That’s why procrastination feels so exhausting. Oftentimes, more tiring than the act itself. Now, if it's an already dreadful act that you’re procrastinating.. You’ve just doubled the dread charge on yourself.
Let’s give another example to help you identify the difference between soulful and dreadful, even though it would appear to be an obvious thing:
The benefits of yoga have been proven and it is undeniable that it is good for you and has all these health and wellness boosts. Learning this information, I decided: I will do yoga! I will reap the benefits! But guess what? I think yoga kind of sucks sometimes, but I still forced myself to go to classes and do it from home. It didn’t relax me - it was often just a reminder of the pain that exists in my body. But guess what didn’t do that to me? Roller skating. So now, I roller skate and reap a lot more endorphins and serotonin than I ever could’ve accomplished in yoga but guess what. There are no studies out there that show the health and wellness benefits of roller skating. How else will you know what you love if you’re not willing to do your own research?
Do you enjoy going out to eat with your coworkers on your lunch break? Or would it feel better for you to find some quiet alone time or even make time for exercise during your lunch break? Does listening to the top hits playlist actually feel good in your body? Or does some part of you need to hear something without lyrics and with strings?
Do your own research on what feels good, to hell with the studies and advertisements. You are the expert on you. If there is one piece of advice I can give about adopting these approaches, it's to be kind to yourself. Not knowing what you like is totally normal and spending time understanding what lights you up has no downsides to it. Just don’t do like, hard drugs. Maybe start with some known hobbies: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_hobbies